Tamara Daily: S.A.W Foundation

I had six children which made it extremely hard to escape. I lost my first born son to a house fire when he was four years old, twelve days and six hours old. Following his death, the punches, stomping, kicks, and choking couldn't hurt me like the pain of losing my baby boy. I was alone and isolated on so many levels. 

Nobody knew what I was going through and the trauma it was contributing to. The physical, verbal, emotional, and mental abuse I had to deal with on a daily basis was adding to the isolating fear that engulfed me. Your abuser has this hold on you, it is like chain of endowment. They have the ability to make you feel lowly and unworthy. Your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth is absent. The abuser make you believe it is completely your fault. They fill your mind with believing no one will believe, help, or want you. The victims become trained to this circus of lies, and within they hide all that is done to them. 

I was so alone, scared, and depressed that I wanted to die just to get out of the misery I was facing. His drug addiction helped me to slowly collect what would let me leave my hell on earth. I stole his pills one by one till I had enough to end my life.  Thankfully God stepped in, the Lord stopped me from taking the handful of pills that would kill me.  God reminded me I had five beautiful children living and that they need me to be here. They were worth living for, and I knew that I had to fight this.

When my planned failed, He sensed it somehow.  The police were called out and I was made to leave without my children. The hell continued as the court sided with Jesse, my abuser, my satan! I didn't have any money for an attorney so the I was treated badly. I was belittled, degraded, and mocked by the court. I limited to answering the questions given to me. It felt as though I was silenced during all this. I felt so helpless, and was threatened to be locked away if I spoke anymore to give a better explanation to the questions. I spent thirty-three days in jail for child support that was being taken out of my check, but wasn't in the system. I had never been to jail before, and I only one ticket due to my child unbuckling his car seat at the wrong time.

I met my friend in jail, she too was going through the same thing. Lost her children to her abuser. Thankfully we both did get to see our children, although we were still controlled by the abusers. Jesse got my boys addicted to drugs, which caused my youngest to spend six years in prison. I worry everyday of getting a phone call that my oldest son is gone.